Pick of the week – Episode 3: $37.50 a Minute

Well… dear readers, It’s Thursday, you know what that means.
Time for Amos’ pick of the week!

Today’s instance if Idiocy comes from Jerry in the sprawling city of Nashville Tennessee.

Working as a political fundraiser I got to witness the human condition at its finest. And this particular campaign, was funded by a charity, that was conducting a survey on the populace. I didn’t ask for money, I was just simply asking three questions.

Jerry answers the phone.

Me: Hi this is Amos with such and such a charity how are you sir?
Jerry: Oh I was doing good….until you called.
Me: (in the most insincere tone I can muster) I am so sorry to here that sir. On behalf of such and such a charity, we are conducting a survy on the pop-
Jerry: Now you listen here! (he interrupts) I am on the no call list! AND AS SUCH THAT MEANS YOU ARE AT RISK OF A $10,000 FINE!
Me: Sir…the no call list does not apply to Political calls, survey calls, charities, or debt collectors. And I am with a charity with a survey. I have 2 out of the 4.
Jerry: I don’t give a (expletive) about you or your (expletive) cause. I am so tired of being bothered by you and your (expletive) company.
Me: (in another insincere tone) Sorry to hear that sir, we just want to talk with you about (the cause).

Jerry: (5 or 6 expletives later) this is that last straw! I am now setting a bar of $37.50 a minute, for you and your (expletive) company to talk to me.
(Jerry stops talking)

(Now, I have a job to do, and as such, i just ignore him, and I proceed with the script that I am required to read.)

Me: blah blah blah, How do you feel about said issue?
Jerry: no response.

Me: blah blah blah, How do you feel about this issue?
Jerry: no response.

Me: blah blah blah, How do you feel about that issue?
Jerry: no response.

(At this point I think he has hung up.) He then asks “Are you done?”
Me: “Yes Mr. Last name.”

Jerry: Okay you talked for 5 minutes and 34 seconds. You owe me $245.50.

Me: Sir, at the bogus rate you gave me, that would be $208.25. Use a calculator next time.

He began to curse and scream to the point that would put a sailor to shame.

He got maybe  five words out before I hung up on him.

As always dear readers, keep it in Jesus.

Amos

Solitude (a poem)

I wrote this 8 years ago. Nearly to the day. Just three months before I met Marie. Two years later…She would become my wife.

February 12th, 2010…

I feel so alone, and a close relationship is desired,
but I am not driven by those forces, though thoughts are inspired.
Thoughts of being stroked to sleep, and the purest of joy,
and then memories resurface, and they only annoy.
I do seek to find the girl, that will keep the promises she’ll make,
A girl of striking character and beauty, that is not at all fake.
Though all this is wanted, it is not what I most desire,
I refuse to settle for less, and wish to only soar higher.
Indeed love is wanted, and closeness is what I crave,
but when greed starts to take over, It will only send me to the grave.
My thoughts are those of hope, that she is waiting for me,
time will test my patience, perhaps beyond a tolerable degree.
I do believe in miracles, and I have never believed in fate,
and the faith that I have, will grant me the patience to wait.
It is true that I yearn, to have some love in my life.
But I don’t want to find my next girlfriend… I want to find my future wife.

 

Don’t give up hope. Though it’s frail, it is hard to kill.

Keep it in Jesus.

Amos

“The Enemy, of my enemy, is my friend.”

I was born and raised in upstate New York. And as such, I had a few choices for Football favorites. There is the New York Giants. The New York Jets. The Buffalo Bills. And I suppose the New England Patriots could be classified as well. I remember as a child.

February, In the year 1991, I was 5. The Bills went to the super Bowl. Scott Norwood ( the team kicker) was in range to score a field goal that would decidedly win the game. The kick was up….and it went wide right.  And they lost by one point to the Giants.

The following Year, The Bills won the AFC championship again. And lost in the big game to the Redskins.

It was this time in my life when I started looking for someone to cheer for. And seeing how the Bills made the top of the list 2 years running, and they were from New York, that made sense to me.

1993 comes around and the Bills made it to the top of the AFC yet again. And they got destroyed. The Cowboys scored 35 more points than they did.

In super bowl 28 in ’94, My team made it for the fourth year in a row. Oddly enough against the Cowboys too. And the lost by 17 points. My 8 year old heart was broken.

then something odd happened. During the playoffs of the next season they held a victory over the Dolphins, and in the next round they lost to the Steelers. They did go on to make the wildcard games in 96, 98, and 99, but lost each time. And for the next 18 years did not even so much as earn a playoff spot.

I was elated this past season as the bills made their triumphant return to the playoff spot light. Oh, I was on top of the world! Jumping up and down as they played the Jags.

And then lost to the Jags.

Tears. That is all I care to admit after that loss. But I am thankful, because my team grew.

Let me expound a bit on my stance with life….

I refuse to hate people.

I refuse to hate the police.

I refuse to hate those who are different than me.

I refuse to hate those who think differently.

I refuse to hate the homosexuals.

I refuse to hate.

Except the New England Patriots. I HATE the Patriots.

That being said… There has been a phrase that has echoed in my mind for some time.

“The Enemy, of my enemy, is my friend.”

Now, Hater’s gonna hate.

And I was so happy when the Patriots lost to the Eagles in the super bowl.

Hater…is gonna hate.

As always, keep it in Jesus.

Amos

People of Influence.

There have been many people who have impacted, and influenced my life. To try to name all of them would be impractical. Not to mention the length of a novel. I wish to bring attention to a group of people. A group of people who have shaped me into who I am.  The top ten influential people of my life.

 

First and foremost is my lovely wife Marie. She has been the glue that holds my unstable self together. When we started dating I had a beard that stretched an impressive 7 inches long. And yet, she was still able to see who I was, and fell in love with me. She is so carring, and has helped me to see the world as a wonderful place, instead of the dark, ominous, painful world I once thought it was. She revealed to me the importance of self worth, and loves me for who I am. I love her so much. She is the most influential person in my life.

 

The number two spot belongs to my  parents. Mom showed me the urgency behind knowledge, and an education. She was my teacher from 6th – 12th grade after all. She taught me how to absorb facts and deal with my long time arch nemesis… math. She stood by me in times of uncertainty and trouble. Dad drilled into my head the importance of finding work and doing a good job at it. Nothing short of excellence was acceptable, and I commend him for that. He always wanted me to put fourth my best effort. And that showed me that he cared enough to tell me how to get the job done, and impress the man on top. my parents made sure that I was raised in the ways of the Lord, and because of there direction, I have my eternal destination secured. Thanks mom and dad.

 

The number 3 spot is held by my grandmother. Grandma Maude, was a very Loving lady. Sunday afternoons at her home were among the best. She taught me proper Grammer, manners, and strengthened my Christianity. She awoken the artist within, and encouraged me that I could be all I could with God as my strength. I miss you Grandma.

 

Next on the list comes number four. This one was so hard to call, it ended in a tie. While at Elim Bible Institue,  there were two instructors who really influenced me. John Miller, and Bishop Turner.  Brother John helped to show me the importance of the written word. And became a mentor for me during the Summers I spent at  E.B.I.  Bishop Turner was a radical teacher, he wasn’t going to spoon feed any of his students, he would make us work for the answers, and made sure that we knew what we believed, how to defend it, and not be “a bootleg Christian”.

 

Spot five belongs to the best man at my wedding. Kenneth McQuiller. A lively fellow with a passion for all things sports.  Hearing this man preach at Elim was almost like listening to a broadcast of ESPN. He influenced and helped me in so many ways that not to many people can boast. Even in my darkest of times, this man had the compassion to give sound advice, sympathy, and prayer. When things were not so dreary I had many a fun time in his dorm room with his room mate Jordan Jewell, who coincidentally has slot number six.

 

Jordan Jewell is a practical man with a heart after Jesus. Perhaps one of the most devout Christians I have ever met. He was also my R.A. during my Senior year at Elim. Cadre meetings with him were challenging, he always kept me on my toes, and as soon as I dropped my guard he was there in my face with thought provoking questions about myself, and my relationship with Jesus. He made sure to keep me sharp. He has no idea how much I needed those times.

 

The seventh spot is held by “he, who will not be mentioned”. No, I am not talking about Lord Voldermort. When I first meet this man, he was sitting on a curb, pouting. He looked clearly annoyed, and generally in a bad mood. That was August 31st, 2008. The man who forever altered my life. Were it not for him, and the crazy and sometimes stupid things he did, I would not have become the man who I am today. Sometimes (and I stress sometimes) just being around him was a Spiritual awakening. Due to his close proximity, He helped me though the highest of good times, and the darkest of valleys. My time at Elim could have been the worst time of my life thus far were it not for the mighty prayer warrior who was my roommate.

 

#8 on the list breaks the rules a little. It is not held by one person, but by three. Peter Donato, Andrew (zoo) Rinaldi, and Jed Nelson. These the guys are the reason I will have a book on the best seller list one day. During the summer of 2009, I was working as a landscaper at Elim Bible Institute to help finance my school bill. Jed mentioned one day that the beard on my face made me look like the character “Quint” from Jaws. I originally fought the idea, but when Pete and Zoo joined in, I had to do something. So one night while alone in my room, I penned my greatest joke. I called it…chapter one. After I had written chapter one, a strange urge to write more washed over me. The story continued to grow over the next year, until the story was now a book.  Thank you boys…thank you. Quite an influence indeed.

 

Number nine on the list of the top ten comes James Holt. James, or Jim to his friends, was the single greatest form of stability during my freshman year at Elim. He would pour into me every time he thought I needed it. He really drove it home to me, that my life was not about me, but rather, it was about Jesus. Jim, was there when no one else was, and to make things better, he was just down the hall. Freshman year was a scary time, and I had not yet made the already mentioned friends. Jim was always ready to help. Always willing to help. Thank you Jim, thank you.

 

Finishing up this list of the ten most influential people in my life, comes Watson. Daniel Watson, was perhaps the most irritating man I had ever meet. Probably because he is too much like my self. There was a time when I despised that man. My arrogance blinded me from what a valuable friend that he would eventually become. The man was always ready to drop what he was doing, and build my battered self back up after a hard day of battle. He helped me to feel with my spirit, and see with my soul. He was so influential that I was sometimes able to see into the realm of the spiritual.

Pick of the week – Episode 2: It’s Wireless

Well, it’s Thursday. Time for….Amos’s pick of the week.
Today’s specimen of stupidity come from Jane in Colorado.
Jane it seems is battling more than just plain stupidity, as she seems to have fell out of the dummy tree and hit every branch on the way down.
The following is my conversation her.

“Thank you for calling cable companies’ department of activations, how can I help you.”

“Yeah…umm…My internet is not working.”

“Alright ma’am, I can assist you with this. Are you able to go to any web pages at all?”

“No.”

“Okay, when you open up your browser, is there an error message?”

“Yeah.”

“What is the error message?”

“It says I am not connected to the internet.”

“Okay ma’am, what lights are currently active on your modem?”

“None.”

“Not even the power light ma’am?”

“No.”

(thinking she is in a power outage) “Alright ma’am, is there any other electrical devices on at the moment?”

“Yes.”

“Aright ma’am, lets just start by making sure that the modem is plugged in.”

“Oh, I don’t have to plug it in… it’s wireless.”

“Ma’am, the modem still requires a connection to power it.”

She proceeded to yell at me for the better part of ten minutes telling me how stupid I was, and wanted to know what bridge they found me hiding under. She stated that she would be contacting her attorney so she could sue us for false advertisement, then hung up the phone.

Dear readers… your modem may feature wireless internet, but that isn’t going to do you any good, if the modem is not receiving electricity.

This is Pastor Amos signing off, reminding you to at least try to remedy the situation before berating the poor tech on the other line.

As always, Keep it in Jesus.
Amos

My testimony

The odds of being born with epilepsy is 1:72. Those odds are uncommon. From there, Epilepsy branches out into many different characteristics. Of those unfortunate few, myoclonus epilepsy effects 1:400. Those odds seem rare. Of those one in 400, the disorder grows more complex and even rarer. Progressive myoclonus Epilepsy takes a claim at one in 20,000. Those odds seem about an inch away from impossible. Raise your hand if you’re that lucky.

When I was just a boy, (late 1980’ – early 1990’s) I learned something about myself. During high stress situations, as well as extreme temperatures (both hot and cold), I would twitch in quick and repeated spasms. Lasting maybe a second or two long. It was random, no clear pattern, and I thought little of it. Every day since the age of 10, I had at least 1 per day.

Fast forward to the summer of 2006. Things escalated gradually. I had just turned 21. I was working outside, for a waterpark. Landscaping, and janitorial. On a bad day, I was having 50 of these tremors. And then it happened…I hurt myself. I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

I saw my doctor, and he referred my to a specialist. Before we could visit the specialist, that October I had my first seizure. And things suddenly got kicked into high gear. In his 25 years as a neurologist, he has seen it only one other time. He diagnosed me with (you guessed it) Progressive myoclonus Epilepsy.

I want to take a quote from one of the websites that I visited a lot.

“Progressive myoclonus epilepsy (PME) is a group of conditions involving the central nervous system and representing more than a dozen different diseases. These diseases share certain features, including a worsening of symptoms over time and the presence of both muscle contractions (myoclonus) and seizures (epilepsy). Patients may have more than one type of seizure, such as petit mal or grand mal. PME is progressive, but the rate of progression may be quick or slow, depending on the underlying disease.

Progressive myoclonus epilepsy (PME) is different from myoclonic epilepsy. In myoclonic epilepsy, the myoclonic jerking motions occur as part of the seizure. In PME, myoclonus occurs separately from seizures, the two respond differently to the same drugs, they evolve differently during the natural history of the disease, and they cause different problems for the patient. Some drugs that are good for seizures, e.g. phenytoin and carbamazepine, may tend to make the myoclonus worse.”

https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/progressive-myoclonus-epilepsy/#causes

It is exceedingly rare, and despite it being so well studied and so documented there is little that can be done to cure or even treat it. No medicines would help, because what treats one symptom, will only worsen another. Life expectancy was “middle aged”. 40 maybe 45 years if I was lucky. The progressive part of Progressive myoclonus epilepsy is the underlying issue. It gets worse with age. Life expectancy is so low, because by that time, the victims system is so ravaged by seizures that it is only a matter of time.

Over the span of the next two years, I watched myself slowly unravel. I was doomed, and I knew it. There was little to nothing that I could do. The summer of 2008 came to a close. I logged an average of 90 tremors a day.

I don’t know how most of you are with math, but that is an average of one every 8 minutes. I could not even so much as write a sentence in pencil without fear of messing up what I wrote. I was staring down the barrel of a life filled with challenges, and hardships. The thought of daily seizures plagued my nightmares.

With winter coming, I knew I was going to be in for an uphill battle. My life had become a daily battle to just survive. I had no purpose, no plans to make, no dreams to seek, and nothing to push me forward. I decided… with what little time I had left, to devote it to something that mattered. There were few things that mattered. But the one that mattered most, was God. Even if I did not survive, I knew (even from a young age) that God was central to everyone, and everything.

So I attended Elim Bible Institute. My father attended the same college seeking his Biblical education, and my brother did as well, just a few years prior. It did not take long for the other students to take notice of the issues I was trying my best to hide.

One of the seniors sitting just the next table over saw my “displays”. His name was Ezekiel Goodfellow. Or Papa Zeke as he later became known. He quoted Scripture as he prayed for me.

Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

In that moment, I encountered the Glory of the Most High, in the form of divine intervention. Though it took me four days to fully understand what had just happened. Because over the span of those four days, my number of daily tremors, steadily fell… to zero. For the first time… in 13 years. The seizures left, and the twitches followed suit.

I stand before you today, as whole man. A life restored. A life with propose.

God did this for me, and He can do even more for you.

Keep it in Jesus.

Amos

In your weakness He is stronger

I am going to be something different today,

My left shoulder has gone through a lot of injury and abuse. It has been dislocated three times. The rotator cuff has been torn…twice, and I even managed to tear a tendon in there as well. And because of all the injuries, there is a lot of scar tissue in there. So much to the point where the ball, does not sit in the socket correctly. This is evident by the fact that if I were to rotate my left arm, and one was to place their hand on the joint, they could feel the joint grinding. And at the young age of 26, I came to accept, I had a bad shoulder. Something that will most likely get worse with old age.

Because the shoulder does not sit in the joint correctly, it does not take much to put it out again. A well placed punch can do it. I can’t lift things to easily, and moving heavy objects is a challenge. But in light of my struggles, I have found something interesting.

Audio Adrenaline is a fantastic Christian band. Their album “Underdog” was released in 1999. On that Album there is a song by name of “Get down”. It is the second verse in that song that sums this up pretty well. I have added the song to this, should you wish to listen to the song.

Mark Stuart sings this one very well.

All I need’s another day
Where I can’t seem to get away
From the many things that drag me down
I’m sure you’ve had a day like me
Where nothing seems to set you free
From the burdens you can’t carry all alone
In your weakness He is stronger
In your darkness He shines through
When you’re crying He’s your comfort
When you’re all alone He’s carrying you

Thank you Lord. Thank you so much. I see what the reason was for all those times of trouble, and blinding pain. Thank you Jesus for the gifts that you have given me. A life restored, Real friends, (who know who they are!) Thank you for a family who cares about me. Thank you for the creativity that you have placed inside me, for the gift of the written word. Thank you Lord for Marie. She has been my favorite birthday present for 5 ½ years now, and many years yet to come. I love her.

Thank you Jesus for the trails that have made me stronger. Thank you for the friends who helped me through them. Thank you for the problems that have made me smarter. And the ability to see your hand working when it happens. Thank you for teaching me the cost of irresponsibility, and idolatry. Thank you Jesus for those who don’t care for me, for I know you allow me to be the light that draws them in. Thank you for your promise to take care of me. Even if I never see it, thank you for allowing me to make a difference for Your kingdom. Thank you Lord for stopping myself from committing Spiritual suicide, though I didn’t see it at the time…thank you. Thank you Lord for the ones who took the time to teach me your Word.

Thank you for both my arms, even the bad one, for you teach me dependence on you on a daily basis from it. I am thankful for my parents, they have brought me up in your ways. God, thank you for your grace, and your love. God, thank you for sending your Son. Jesus, thank you for a computer that allows me to type, Thank you for the gift of music. (Newsboys and Trans-Sibiran Orchestra)

Precious Jesus, thank you for Oreos,  gummy bears, and beef jerky. The list goes on. Thank you Lord…     Thank you.

As always…Keep it in Jesus.

Amos

Utter Blackness

I wrote this in December of 2009. The October before I was dealt a rather crushing blow. And I don’t want to go into specifics. The aftermath of that “blow”  was felt for months that followed.  The end result taught me some valuable lessons and around the middle of the next April, I had gotten over the worst of the nightmare. Anyway, I am getting off track. This was written during one of the darkest seasons of my life. I was borderline suicidal, and I just wanted to give up. But I clung on to hope. The following explains that…

Utter blackness

He had walked so far, and for so long, for reasons we may never know. His feet were swollen after walking such a distance, for such a time, and he was at the end of his energy. An arrow stuck out of his back, the arrow head was deeply embedded in him, and the tip was less than a centimeter from his heart. (why the arrow was there, is not relevant) The pain was indescribable, and yet, by some miracle, he continued on. The sun had long set, and the cloud cover was thick as the rains steadily came down harder. He stumbled around in the dark, so tired, so lost, so hurt. Feeling so worthless, he continued to walk, but only two steps later, he tripped on a rock, stubbing all of his toes on his right foot except his pinkie toe. He yelled out as even more pain was dealt out to him. He fell to the muddy ground.  As his scream came out, he heard voices. Surely one of them was seeking him. He tried to speak, but the pain was too much. He laid there in the dark, and his face in the mud. The voices grew louder, but even though they were close, no one called out his name. Tears ran down his eyes, as he now no longer knew where he was. (even though he didn’t know where he was going in the first place.) Cold, wet, and dirty he laid there. He tried to get up, but the pains in him were to great. He spoke as loud as he could (not even amounting to a whisper) “Please… someone… anyone…. help me.” He blacked out.

When he came to, he saw the same blackness, and felt the same pain. However, he didn’t feel the mud. Why was this? Surely he hadn’t done this while he was out, did some one find him? Or was he out for so long that the mud had hardened? he laid on his side, and he still felt the arrow in his back, but as he moved his hands around, he felt cool grass. Had someone moved him? Did someone actually care? He laid there in the utter blackness, writhing in pain. When suddenly he saw the bright light of a torch coming closer to him. Someone came to his side, though the person did not speak. With great care, this person removed the arrow from his back, and nursed the cuts and bruises that ran over most of his body. The person laid their hand on his wound, and it was instantly healed, the person then turned him over onto his back. He tried to distinguish the face of the individual, but could not see due to the brightness of the torch. He said in a whisper (as loudly as he could speak) “Who are you?”

A non familiar (gentle, yet powerful) voice said in return, “Someone who has been waiting for you…for a very long time. I heard your screams of agony, and was with you when you thought everyone had abandoned you, I was with you, while you were broken and bleeding, and your face was in the mud. I waited for you to swallow your pride, and ask for help. When you did, I cleaned you off, and brought you here so I could tend to your wounds, and make you whole again. Even though you may have thought you were worthless, but I view you as valuable and precious. You may have thought that no one understood you, or your pain, but I do, for I went through a torturous death on a cross… for you. I am your maker, and you are so precious to me.”

The man (as you may have guessed) is me, and the horrible pains that I have gone, and am going through. but all will be well, because I am a child of God, and he will heal my wounds, and He will make me whole again.

And He did. The following May I met the girl who would later be my wife.

Akulamappie

I wrote these two works some time ago. With the upcoming lunar eclipse I find myself looking at the night sky more often. The amazing thing about this eclipse…It is a blue moon, (second full moon in the same month) A super moon, (a full moon at its closest point to earth in the moons elliptical orbit) and a lunar eclipse all at the same time. The last time this happened was 1866 over 150 years ago. Literally a once in a lifetime event. Anyway…I am getting off the subject…

Translated it means “Looks up to the sky”

I look up to the sky, and I see the stars,
Sirius, Canopus, Polaris, and Mars.
Mercury is small, and craters are abundant,
To set up a colony, would be redundant.
The planet moves fast, 5 times the speed of sound,
For every two orbits, it moves just three times around.
A Venusian year, is shorter than its day,
Imposable to live there, there’s truth in what I say.
The sun would rise in the West, and set in the East,
An opposite planet, to say the least.
Mars has two tiny moons, and lots of red dust,
If we are to visit, a spacesuit is a must.
Olympus Mons, and Vales’ Marenares.
The highest volcano, and a canyon longer than the U.S.
Worlds apart, yet so much we know,
Ganymede, Callisto, Europa, and Io.
Jupiter’s vast size and mighty atmosphere,
Some see it with amazement, others with fear.
Saturn and its rings, with moons galore,
So much is a mystery, we want to know more.
Uranus is a world tilted on its side,
A featureless haze hides what’s inside.
16 small moons, orbit quite close,
A collision would be cool, to say the most.
Neptune is blue, with an ocean of methane,
It was discovered using math, I think that’s insane.
The largest moon, Triton by name,
Has internal heating, its claim to fame.
The internal stuff, shoots though a crack,
creating geysers so dirty, the fallout is black.
Pluto is tiny, it made quite a buzz,
It’s not a planet, but I wish it was.
With four moons of it’s own, its an odd little thing,
A probe’s has given a glimpse, to the world we hadn’t seen.
The galaxy’s so large, we can’t understand it, or try,
Then I remember, that I serve the God…that put it… in the sky.

The night sky beckoned a certain young man,
as he set up the telescope; he began to hatch a plan.
First on the list, was the moon, specifically one crater,
Copernicus was the name, and then a while later,
he turned his sights to a planet so bright,
with anticipation building, he turned the view to the right.
Once in focus, Jupiter’s details became quite clear,
with the aid of the ‘scope, something so far, seemed so near.
Once his fascination subsided, he turned to a sight of bright luster,
the object in question, was that of the Pleiades star cluster.
To the unaided eye, a maximum of eight stars, impossible to ignore,
but in the eyepiece of the ‘scope, behold, now visible are twenty four!
Thought captivating is the cluster; the astronomer shifts his gaze,
to the constellation Lyra, for a sight not seen for many, many days.
For between each foot, that the stars represent,
there lies a great nebula, spanning light years in extent.
The Ring Nebula in colors of orange, yellow, and blue,
makes him gasp in wonder, and he knows this to be true.
For only once before, has he seen such a sight,
while flipping pages, in a book that he took such delight.
Where to point the ‘scope, for years he did not know,
and now, in the eyepiece, the nebula clearly shown.
He gasped with excitement, and then he barely cared.
For what good is the moment, if the moment is not shared?

Keep it in Jesus folks

Amos

Pick of the week – Episode 1: I’m on to you!

Hello dear readers, Let me open with a nugget of wisdom that I have learned over the years working with the average American.

People are stupid.

Who ever said, “There is no such thing as a stupid question.”…Obviously never worked in customer service.

Let me expand on this a bit. Everyone is born stupid. That includes me, my dad, you, and your dad. However, not everyone stays stupid. The ones who rise above stupidity, are those who have chosen to better themselves. Whether it be though education, environment, or a love of knowledge.

Not everyone attains a level of intelligence, and others still are a bit newer to the prospect of educating themselves. I worked as tech support for a large internet service provider for the better part of two years. And in that time I discovered something about myself.

If you have problems with your cable TV…I can fix that.

If your phone does not have a dial tone…I can fix that.

If your internet is down…I can fix that.

If you have questions about your billing statement…I can fix that.

But I can’t… Fix… Stupid!

That being said…

Allow me to introduce you to the first of many weekly installments of Amos’ pick of the week. Each instance in these installments, retells an experience of an individual who clearly did not rise about the level of stupid that they were born with.

The instance that sticks with me the most is a woman who I will call Mary,
from the back woods of West Virginia. Dialogue was as follows:

Me: Welcome to Internet company’s department of activations, My name is Amos, how can I help you?
Her: I’m on to you.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am?
Her: I’m on to you.
Me: Yes Ma’am, I heard you, however I do not understand.
Her: My bank account is sealed tight, you are not going to get any of my money.
Me: Alright ma’am. Could I ask what makes you say that?
Her: I’ve seen your company’s van in my neighborhood. Many times. Now, I have a pop up on my screen that says “A new version of internet explorer is available. Would you like to install it?” I wasn’t born yesterday, I know what you are trying to do. When I hit the download button it is down to give me a virus. And you people are going to get to my bank account. I aren’t stupid.
Me: You sure aren’t.

The caller then disconnected the line.

First of all. Who still uses internet explorer? Secondly, just because you see a van the first time, does not mean it is same one that you see the next time. And Lastly, if there was ever someone to steal money from, we would not be wasting our time on the pathetic “Aren’t stupid” people in the back woods of West Virginia.

I hate to break it to you, but you are not that important to that company, they can handle losing one customer due to their own lack of knowledge.

500 words eh? Well, thats good enough for me.
That’s it for now.
As always, keep it in Jesus.